Monday, November 24, 2014

Burned wings

I flew to high and he burned to bright. My wings just burned. It happened, the worst I was expecting the inner pain is getting worse with every hour he is ignoring me. I thought I would never be without him, but in a way I knew one day I would. I hoped it would have happened later. The pain would have been worse than now.
I flew to high and he burned to bright. My wings just burned. It happened, the worst I was expecting the inner pain is getting worse with every hour he is ignoring me. I thought I would never be without him, but in a way I knew one day I would. I hoped it would have happened later. The pain would have been worse than now. I used to smile when I thought about him, messaged him. But the worst part of all this is seeing him online and knowing he will not write and you are to scared to annoy him again. It hurts seeing it, but at least the pain gets less.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Listening to music in public

There are some songs you can not listen to in public because people could see what you are listening to. The text is too inappropriate or it reminds you of your crush and you start blushing for no reason in public. Sitting next to your crush and then a song comes on that used to be yours and your ex one, that song just killed everything between you and your crush. Yesterday I was sitting in the bus next to a guy I used to love and than I listened to a song that is mine and my boyfriends I couldn't deal with it,I had to skip the song. It happens all the time to me because I listen to music very loud and I'm always scared someone could hear it.

When the wallflower gets the boy

In movies the never seen wallflowers get those really fame good looking guys.I always thought that could never be real.Lately I notice the attention I get from guys more than before, because one of them told me they all give me attention without me knowing it. That made me feel a little arogant and more importante than other. The reaction to all that was not really bringing me anywhere, nothing changed from one day to another but I start realizing more and more. The girls around me hate it that I get more attention than they get. They have always seen me as a wallflower and a girl that has no chance with boys. That changed a lot in the last half year of school, they hate it to see me with guys. The hate was sure from the beginning I knew that it wouldn't be easy and it gets more difficult but I'm still here. The hate is still growing and lately it got worse.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

One Day

One day I stopped loving you and if you told me now you loved me I don't think I could love you again because the day I stopped loving you made me feel free and I could not again be adicted to you, I would never want that. But you know what I would hate you for being to late with loving me. You know who I would hate the most?  Myself because you were the one I only wanted and then I get the chance to have you and I am to scared to accept my feelings. Sometimes I miss the feeling of the butterflies when I saw you but than I realize that I am not addicted to you anymore and don't need you to be around to be happy.When I loved you I used to fall in a hole of sadness when you where not around. That was the worst of it all because you could not do anything about it. Looking back on it today I had phases where I was really happy and ones where I was really sad and it was difficult for the people around me, my friends to handle it.

Monday, November 10, 2014


I thought you could never fall for someone you don't really know but you can. And you know what hurts the most?? You will never know who he really is you will always rely on what he writes and tells you. You will trust him more and more and he could one day hurt you so much that you think your life is over and you can not live with that huge pain. He will never know how much he means to you. You are so addicted waiting for him to answer. And the only reason you did all this was because you felt alone in your real life because it hurts but getting hurt by someone you trust so much ist even worse. Everyone keeps telling you there are only pedophiles on the Internet but they never tell you that you will meet a person you fall in love with and it kills you from the inside. This pain will stop one day because the person was never real but it takes time to be so disciplined to not talk to him any more. Around your real friends you never stop talking about him and everytime the question apears: do you like him?  The argument against it is always: why would I, I don't even know him. On the inside you will always know how badly you are in love with him.


You will never get what he feels for you and when you think you know you will not. I thought he liked me he was always writing hearts to me but he also did to every other girl. When I realized that it was like a cut in my heart it hurt so badly but after a time you get over it and the pain gets less. It made me feel high being sort of wanted and then that high feeling just breaks off and you hit the ground so hard that it takes a while for you to stand up. Still trying to be the one and wanting that feeling of highness back because it is the only thing that makes you feel better

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Little Girl

Remember when you where small, looking up to those 16 year old girls they were always weird you never thought of being one of them. Those high school girls walking around in high heels and being totally proud of themselves. An now you aren't 6 anymore you are now that 16 year old girl you always thought was weird. You are now either one of those girls or the one that hates them all.   Well I am the one walking around in high heels and being proud of it. Back then those girls were smoking and I was so sure I would never do that, Here I am: a smoking, arrogant and bitchy teenager.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The pain of dreams

Have you ever had that feeling after a dream:  It feels so real and you can't keep reality from dream for a moment. Then you realize that it was a dream and you know it will never be real. Sometimes it is good when it isn't real because you don't want bad dreams to be real but you still feel the fear when you wake up. Then there are happy dreams for what you nothing wish harder than it to be real. Imagine you are with a guy in your dream and that what is between you feels so real that you still feel it when you wake up and than it hits you that it isn't real.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


I always thought being a bitch would be amazing. Being fame and accepted and all that. You feel amazing when someone tells you that you look good, but they only mean your body not your face.At first you feel happy and kind of proud, that feeling changes when you realize everything is like before just that you know who is looking at your neck line .The only thing you want than is that he looks in to your eyes and tells you are beautiful and not sexy but that will never happen.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Real Love

"Real love doesn't exist " there are some girls who would hate you for that sentence because they dream of real love, of meeting a guy just made for them.I don't believe in real love because there is no way a guy could love you your whole life.There will always be a girl better, prettier and lovelier than you.It could be that one day a guy shows me that real love does exist but until now I haven't met him and still believe like maleficient "real love doesn't exist "

Friday, September 5, 2014


Have you ever dreamed of a guy standing in front of you while you look tired and sloppy,your hair goes off into every direction, you are still in sweatpants and wear a far too big shirt.When you see other girls with undone hairstyles they look beautiful and you know that you will never see yourself like that.Everytime I see myself in the mirror, when I'm made up to go out  I know I will always look the same way, but I don't, if I see pictures from past moments my style changed and the way I do my make up.I'm not the type who changes haircut or color too drastically.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014


I never thougt of myself as a Fangirl screaming after some random stars, I could never understand people like that. I always was apart from those girls , didn´t want to be near them screaming but I got the same anyway. As a total fan of 5 Seconds of Summer , Connor Franta and Divergent I stand here.There are just 3 Fandoms but having less is worse because you have more to focus on from each one and for the people around you, you just seem totally insane. If my friend wasn´t such a big fan of 5 Seconds of Summer too she would have never bought me a poster. In London I was standing infront of those things where they have the posters and I stood infront of that and was almost crying because I had no money and than she bought me one of the posters.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Turning 16

When you turn 16 everything changes I thougt, I wished, but it never happend. My biggest wish is going to New York, I picture it like the best place to be but I fear it will not be that way at all. I have always wanted to go to london but it was not at all like I wanted it to be. I thought it would be amazing an beautiful and like all those black and white pictures you see all around on Postcards. It was not like that at all, everywhere were tourist and you could go nowhere without being surrounded by them, I hate it when there are so many people around and so I was pretty disappointed when I got back home

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Frozen Hairstyle

So here is my sis again today we are flying on vacation and I made her a Hairstyle from Frozen. I started by doing a French braid and finished with a normal braid I think it got pretty nice.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Tris Tatoo Divergent

Youre Divergent Fangirl is back. A Friend of mine told me how to make the tatoo from Tris  -> There it is. First you need to have a picture of the ravens how you like them to be i took the one below. Next you have to trace them and cut them out on the inside (then it has to look like the one below).Now you place it where you want to have it and paint it with a Dark eyeshadow. After that you can take away the paper and paint the dark eyeshadowpainted zones with a Feltip or eyelinerpen (depends on how long you want it to last. I took an eyeliner but both is very dificult because you only see it in the mirror.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Divergent Looks

The Movie in the cinemas now is Divergent , I have also been reading the book some months ago and I really Loved it. I never thought I would ever fangirl around that much like I´m doing it now everytime someone mentiones divergent in a bad context I get arguing with him. The last weeks I used to dress like the factions like in the picture , mostly I dressed dauntless. and once I also dressed like Erudite but i didn´t take a photo

So this is my dauntless outfit , it is pretty uncreative but it mede me identify with Divergent. For everyone who does not know divergent:
1. Read it
2.there are five Factions
3. abnegation (selfless)(grey)
4.erudite (inteligent)(blue)
5. candor (honest)(black and white)
6.amity(kind) (yellow and red)

 Today I made the abnegation bun. Abnegation is teh selfless faction they don´t think of theirselves they always help others. This haistyle I got from the movie.
 The last picture has nothing to do with Divergent but ir reminded me of the nigt where Tris went zipling with the dautless uriah and the others born in dauntless

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

MUN an Union Jack

This is a photo I took some time ago because I saw a tutorial in a magazine and I thougt i made it pretty good. Last week was the week of THIMUN I was there as an admin it was pretty nice so many people and I also had a housing guest she was pretty nice too , it was my first Mun conference (for those who dont know what it is is Model United Nations : there come students to debate like in the un about recent topics in the world) and I had an amazing time there.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

this is a new nailpolish i got because I had before christmas an nailpolish adventcalender from ciate